Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I CAN MOONWALK!
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
