we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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