Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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