i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
