Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
