Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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