apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
