so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize