I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
