Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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