It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
