It was confusing and full of hummus
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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