He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
