New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
