ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
