Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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