If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
