Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
