a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
