your thong is hanging out like whoa
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
two words...techno handjob
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
