He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize