How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
