All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
