so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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