Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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