Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
