I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
