Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
