There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
