Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
