I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
