i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
