I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
