overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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