im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
