I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
