Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
