I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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