This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
