I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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