you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
