just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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