if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
false alarm, still single
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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