I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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