I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
