I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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