I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
