Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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