trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
