...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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