And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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