She's JV to your varsity
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize