i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
