how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
