i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
