Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
