nut hugger
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
