he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I love how my cats smell like pot.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
