I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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