Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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