I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
