We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
