I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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