Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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