The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
