I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
