The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
