he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize