i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize