if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Pooping to opera.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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