Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
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