everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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