The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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