it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
