There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
