guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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